I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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