I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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