TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
