saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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