Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
