I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
