You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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