I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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