Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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