And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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