The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
