My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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