Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
