I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
