oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
