Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
