I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
did i just pee glitter
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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