That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I look better un-naked...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
