Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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