Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize