she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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