adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
