hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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