The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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