she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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