I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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