I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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