I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
