Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
nutella sex= disaster
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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