It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize