i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
