So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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