I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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