he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
