She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
