yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
