do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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