im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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