My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
