If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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