i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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