How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
