Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
