the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
