On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
