hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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