I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
