I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My cat gives me a boner
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
