Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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