i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
