everyone is single if you try hard enough
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
