I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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