Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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