haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
