i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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