tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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