even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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