I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
