He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
