I wish my penis had an off switch
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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