He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
