he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
