i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
