I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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