Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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