the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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