it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize