The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
