video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
