Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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