Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
