Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
