Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
