How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
