My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
