life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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