Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
