What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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