Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
