He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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