The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
