2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
