When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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